if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize