No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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