I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
