I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
