Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
