I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
