That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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