the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
