We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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