What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
