i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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