My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
