i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
