ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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