There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
