Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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