Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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