I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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