Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
