so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
