I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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