i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize