I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just invented taco cereal.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
