I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
