your thong is hanging out like whoa
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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