I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
