"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
