she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
