I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
