bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
