how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
