You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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