Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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