I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize