hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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