I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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