Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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