why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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