why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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