My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
