I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
