Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
