yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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