Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
