Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
