i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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