is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
