Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
