I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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