the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
