I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
