I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
