Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
