through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
