I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
