I can text with my tongue
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
