I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
cat food counts as protein by the way
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
