i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
