If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
