guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
