I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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