I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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