u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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