it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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