I think I died a long time ago.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
