Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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